Sunday, 13 September 2009

• She Has a Boyfriend Now

  So I woke to a message from my best friend that she now has a boyfriend, a guy I've never met. When we were younger we said that we'd get boyfriends at the same time and that they'd be brothers or best friends as well, because when you're young it's ok to dream. Not only am I nowhere close to getting a boyfriend, but seeing as we live on opposite sides of the country, I doubt our boyfriends would even know the other exists.

  Earlier this year my uni told me about a 6 week trip to Germany, a trip I desperately wanted to go on. After working 2 jobs to get the money to go on it, I still had nowhere near enough money and realised it was an unreachable dream. I told my best friend my woes along the way, and she suggested I use the money I had saved up to go visit her, still a holiday, but much cheaper. I was pretty excited to go and was a few weeks away from buying tickets when she told me that she was going on a 6 week trip to Germany that her uni was offering. Now my friend isn't as heartless as she sounds, just a bit forgetful and ditzy, and she had totally forgotten that I was coming over before she applied for the trip.

  Don't get me wrong, I love my best friend and don't want to take these things away from her, but it just makes me feel so left behind. I tried to look on the bright side and think about all the things I have, amazing parents and rowing.

  Rowing left me in tears yesterday. It was the last regatta before State champs, and I had two races. My first race was pretty messy, 4 people, but the girl leading us had very bad rhythm, we came last but I wasn't too fussed. My only other race was a double, with a girl who's personality and style suits mine, so I thought we could become good friends. At first it seemed like we could, as we'd raced a double a few times, but each time we lost she became more distant from me, because I am the weaker of the two. In the second half of the race yesterday we were doing fairly well, but the boat next to us was coming up closer. I decided to finally be brave and confident and call for a push, which we did. I was so excited that I was finally exerting myself, but then my seat came off the slide, I couldn't row anymore, and I watched as the other boat passed the finish line meters before us.

  I apoligised to her after the race but she said it was fine, and wasn't my fault. I felt a bit better and once we got the boat back I was about to walk up with her, when I saw she had gone off with someone else. She didn't want anything to do with me, none of them did. I'm such an outsider in my own team.

  I know in a few weeks this will seem almost stupid to be upset over things like races and happy events for my best friend, but these days I could really use a bit of help, but there's nobody there.

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